Man Asks If It&'s &'Common&' To Be Rejected By A Woman Who &'Doesn&'t Date&' His Zodiac Sign
Modern dating can feel like a minefield sometimes. You have to watch out for red flags, avoid creeps on dating sites and protect yourself from manipulators who lovebomb themselves into your life.
But one man faced a unique challenge when the girl he was chatting with for a few weeks abruptly canceled their first date after she realized his zodiac sign.
The man originally shared his experience on the Reddit forum r/dating_advice, explaining, "I'm a bit thrown off by this, but I was cancelled on due to my zodiac sign." He explained that he was a regular at a local coffee shop where he goes "practically every weekday" before work. He had the same barista every morning, over time developing a rapport with her through "small conversations."
"After chatting with her for a few weeks, I decided to offer my number, since she was on the clock. She declined to take my number, but gave me her Snapchat." He shared that the two then "chatted a bit on Snapchat" and agreed to "go on a date on Friday."
"About an hour after that, she said she wouldn't be able to go out with me because she saw on my Snap profile that I was an Aries. She said she doesn't date Aries but it was nice meeting me."
He ended his post by asking on the forum if this was common in the dating world. "I've never been rejected over my zodiac sign before so it kinda surprised me."
The comments and replies under his post were mostly comical. "Keep dodging those bullets agent Smith," one person wrote, while another commented, "You only blame the relationship on their zodiac sign AFTER you break up. Duh."
But there were a few thought-provoking ones too. "I think she just made that up so things didn't have to be awkward if you guys went further and it didn't work out. She would still have to see you at your behest if she wanted to or not. Blaming it on a zodiac sign is purely out of both your control so it's a perfect problem you can't ever fix."
Some astrology enthusiasts chipped in their two pence as well. "If she actually knew anything about astrology she would understand that there is a lot more to a person's chart than just their sun sign," one person commented. Another wrote, "She sounds like a Scorpio."
Jokes aside, the experience of the OP is quite common in the dating world.
Do zodiac signs matter in dating?
According to Matthias Dettmann, a psychologist (M.Sc.), Triple-P trainer, tarot reader and astrologer, the short answer is no, zodiac signs do not matter in dating. "It's important to remember that astrology should be used as a tool for self-awareness and understanding, rather than as a means to judge or dismiss someone solely based on their astrological makeup," he explains.
Astrology has always been a part of the dating world, even if just on the sidelines. Millions of enthusiasts love to read about their zodiac compatibility with other Sun signs. And astrologer Linda Goodman literally became an overnight sensation because of her series of astrology books focused on love and compatibility.
Given this, some people actively choose to date (or not date) others based on their zodiac sign, which "can be an interesting starting point, as it can give a general idea of compatibility," says Dettmann. "However, it is important to remember that astrology is a complex system that considers many factors beyond just the Sun signs. While Sun signs offer valuable information about someone's basic personality traits, they do not provide a complete picture of compatibility."
In fact, Sun sign compatibility is just one of many types of compatibility in astrology. So before dismissing or turning down someone based on their zodiac sign alone, it's important to dig deeper into who they really are. "Some astrology-related questions could include inquiring about their Moon sign to understand their emotional needs, or their Venus sign, which provides insights into their love style and relationship preferences," suggests Dettman.
Instead of outright rejecting someone based on their zodiac sign alone, Astrologer Babs Cheung suggests looking inward. "If you do notice a pattern that a particular sign does something to you, it could be that that sign activates a part of your natal chart that leads to discomfort and even pain," Cheung explains.
Dating based on zodiac sign might be more common than we realize.
According to the Reddit post, the barista found out his zodiac sign (he's an Aries, by the way) from his Snapchat profile only after they agreed to go on a date, which was after they "chatted a bit." The post didn't mention how long they chatted on Snapchat -- if it was for a few days or a few weeks -- or if their conversations were engaging. For all we know, the barista was just not interested in the man in general.
If, on the other hand, the OP and the barista were spending hours chatting with each other every day for weeks, then it would definitely be a red flag for her to never discuss astrology even once or ask the OP his zodiac sign if it really is something she considers so important. But if they only chatted for a few days and she quickly turned him down once she found out he was not a good fit, it would be a red flag on the OP's part to need a justification for the rejection. The barista doesn't owe him anything.
The point is, it's impossible to judge these situations with such limited details. But from the pure perspective of whether or not it's "common" to cancel a first date over someone's zodiac sign, the answer, according to the Reddit post, is that it may be more common than we'd think.
"Someone posted here before that they met this girl and went on a date and the first thing she asked him was his zodiac sign and she just got up without saying a word and walked out," a commenter wrote.
There are things to consider in addition to zodiac signs when dating.
While astrology is an interesting way to learn more about who people are, "other factors in life make up much more of a person's character and outlook -- their childhood, schooling, family life, work, physicality, preferences, previous relationships, values, etc," explains renowned astrologer, tarot and spirituality expert Kerry Ward. "A person is a lot more than just their birth chart. We grow, evolve, expand, and change."
In the end, being an astrology enthusiast is just like being a Star Wars fan or someone who loves drag or has a very specific hobby or interest. Not everyone in the world will share your interest or be open to learning more about it. And you may even face your fair share of rejections because of it.
But the opposite is true too. You too have the freedom to choose who you wish to date or not date based on your personal preferences. And if you face a situation similar to the OP's, it's best to simply move on and find someone whose interests and preferences match yours.
That said, "Even when a match seems unlikely, I would encourage daters to keep an open mind. Each and every sign has hundreds of significations and we all express them in different and unique ways," says Lizanne Hanks, astrologer, blogger and creator of astrology products. "In fact, we all have each of the 12 zodiac signs somewhere in our charts. So be careful who and what you reject -- it might just be a piece of you that you cannot or do not wish to see."
And keep your fingers crossed that if you are incompatible, you find out about it early.